One Month Contract
by Altra
Summary: Someone destroys Zim's lab, and it isn't Dib! Zim gives Dib one month to catch the culprit, or else he'll kill him. Or maybe he'll do it anyway. Don't sue me, I'm just the messenger. The final chapter of gerbil doom is up! Spork!
1. A Meeting of Worlds (or, Ways to Kill Di...

One Month Contract 

  
  


Chapter 1:A Meeting of Worlds (or, Ways to Kill Dib)

  
  


Dib glared across the classroom. He had begged, pleaded, even tried to bribe Mrs. Bitters to let him keep his seat in the front of the classroom. But, after many years of 'disruptions to the doomed educational system' (as Mrs. Bitters had put it), he had been sentenced to the back of the classroom. Old looking kid kept grinning at him. Dib carefully edged his desk over.  
"Yes, what is it Zim?" Dib's head shot up. Mrs. Bitters was addressing Zim! Maybe she'd finally realized he was alien- that he didn't have a skin condition after all- that he was trying to-  
"I forgot my putrid and disgusting normal earth worm lunch at my house," Zim stated, his eyes quirking oddly. Dib heard the tip of his pencil snap off. He briefly glanced down. _Aww man! I can never find these things!_ he though in despair. That was the fourth Mysterious Mysteries pencil he'd ruined since Monday. And it was Tuesday."Fine Zim. Go get it and be quick about it. Everyone, continue reading your moose pamphlets," Mrs. Bitters, said, before slithering up and down the aisles.  
"Wait! You can't just let him leave like that! He's planning something I tell you! Planning something!" Dib yelled, shooting out his seat and pointing his broken pencil at Zim.  
"Why Dib, I'm shocked that you would accuse me of something so primitive," Zim said, innocently glaring back at Dib.  
"You can't! He's trying to take over the world!"  
"Dib, sit down! Zim, get out of my classroom. Return to your doomed lives the rest of you!" Mrs. Bitters ordered, appearing in front of Dib. With a shriek of surprise, Dib fell backwards into his seat. The class laughed, the old looking kid snorting in between wheezes. By the time Dib pulled himself up, Zim was gone, and his moose pamphlet had little bunnies drawn across the cover. _I'll let the world know you're an alien, Zim! Then you'll be all cut open- and other bad things!,_ Dib thought, before grudgingly flipping his moose book open.  
  
***  
  


"Gir! Where is my toilet?" Zim hollered. The little green dog rolled into the room, covered in bright pink wallpaper.  
"I want a waffle!" Gir replied, hopping up and down, a large roll of wallpaper banging against the ground.  
"Gir, where is my toilet?" Zim asked slowly, clenching his fists to the rhythm his twitching eye had created.  
"What?!" Zim screeched. Gir giggled, before bounding out of the room. Zim glared darkly at the hole where his toilet had once been. The tube to his laboratory was still there, but in plain view.  
"Stupid stink beast planet! I bet the Dib-human had something to do with this!" Zim jumped down the tube, the elevator thingy taking him down to his computer main frame. When he stepped out, Zim's toupee tipped off his head unnoticed.  
Wires were scattered everywhere, blinking with yellow sparks, which would hit other sparks and create more sparks. His glorious computer was shattered, metal bits littering the cracked steel floor. Glass shards from his science experiments and television screens were imbedded in the Voot Runner, which resembled a crushed tin can. Zim's metallic spider like legs shot out of his backpack, and furiously made their way across the rubble, pulling the enraged Irken along to the Voot Runner. The spider legs pulled back, dropping Zim on the ground in front of his ship. He ran his fingers along the side, searching for the data report switchy thing he'd installed the other day. His rough fingers encountered the divot where the button had been, spiky plastic outlining its rim. Zim growled in anger.  
"Whoever you be, whether a pathetic earth monkey or not, you will feel my wrath!" Zim screeched, throwing his head back.  
  
***  
  


Johnny happily walked down the sidewalk, a cherry brainfreezy in one had, and a glowing stun gun in the other. The high school students had been quite an interesting kill. Why, one even tried karate on poor Nny. Not that it mattered much. He was just stunned first. Nny sighed with content, pulling his headphones over his ears. He'd already gone home to his wall, and had brought his stun gun along by accident.  
"What a weirdo," a skool teacher muttered to another teacher. Johnny looked over his shoulder at the teacher, who sneered at him. _Mr. What's-his-name,_ Nny thought darkly. His fifth grade teacher was talking to Mrs. Bitters, his fourth grade teacher. Johnny looked between his cheery brainfreezy and his stun gun.  
"Hmm, the batteries almost dead…" he muttered, flipping his stun gun around. With a groan, he tossed it over his shoulder, before walking into the skool grounds. He jumped onto one of the many playground platforms.  
"I'd like to have your attention!" he asked politely. A few tiny kids glanced at him, before running in circles again. Johnny felt his anger starting to build. Hopping down, he decided to proceed with business as usual. Pulling a rather rusty knife out of his pocket (which you wouldn't know was there unless you already knew that), Johnny casually walked over to Mr. Teacher Thing-  
-and was violently knocked out of the way by a green thing with antennas.  
"Pathetic Dib-human! I will kill you for your trespassing and destroying!" it yelled. Johnny pulled himself off the ground, and slipped the knife back into his pocket. He walked back to the playground platform and took a seat.  
"Interesting. I get to see an alien thing kill something without actually being in the fight…" he said to himself, absently watching the children run screaming at the chain link fence.  
  
***  
  


Dib glanced up just as Zim collided with his body.  
"What are you doing, Zim? Decide to reveal yourself?" Dib yelled, while holding Zim's hands back.  
"You destroyed my lab!" Zim yelled, the spider legs snapping out of his pod and pinning Dib to the ground. "For that you will die!"  
"Destroyed your lab? I didn't do that!" Dib protested, vainly struggling against the spider legs. Zim's face went blank, as he stared at Dib.  
"You didn't?"  
"No. I've been trying to figure out how to get down there, but I didn't break anything," Dib said, glaring at Zim.  
"You lie! Puny worm baby!" Zim spat, lowering one of his spider legs against Dibs neck. The sharp edge scraped against Dib's skin.  
"But I didn't do anything!" Dib yelled, turning his head to get away from the sharp leg.  
"Oh well. I was going to kill you anyway," Zim said, shrugging a shoulder.  
"You know, it'd be more enjoyable if you pulled off his leg first and watched him try to run." Zim turned around, pulling his leg back from Dib's neck. Dib looked towards the speaker as well.  
He was tall and thin, with distinct black hair and what Dib thought were the most interesting boots he'd ever seen in his short life.  
"What do you speak of, earth monkey?" Zim hissed. Dib shivered despite himself. Zim's red eyes were quite intimidating, especially when he was standing over you.  
"Just a suggestion. You don't have to be rude about it," the man muttered, pulling a rusty knife out of his pocket. "You see, if you cut his lower leg off at the joint, he'd be in excruciating pain, and he'd be unable to hobble away."  
"You know, I'm getting the feeling that you've done this before," Dib said, managing to slip an arm out from under Zim's leg, and pushing his glasses up.  
"I have."  
"Lovely."  
There was a rather awkward silence.  
"What are you doing to my brother, Zim?" The three turned to face the only person left on the playground.  
"Gaz! Help me!" Dib yelled. Gaz raised an eyebrow over her squinted eyes.  
"Excuse me? I swore vengeance Dib. I swore it. And I didn't even have to do anything," she said, pulling her GameSlave4 from her pocket and turning it on.  
"No Gaz! You don't understand! They're trying to kill me!" Dib yelled. Zim looked between Gaz and Dib, an amused smile on his face.  
"Poor stink beast! Even those of your own blood will not believe you! Now, to pay for my lab!" Zim lowered his leg against Dib again.  
"I thought you were going to rip his leg off!" Johnny yelled.  
"I'll do that later," Zim said, waving a hand at Nny.  
"Why don't you do it now?" Gaz asked, glancing up from her game for a second.  
"Because he'll be all screamy and loud," Zim said.  
"He's all screamy right now. You're only cheating him right now, keeping him for the ultimate assurance that his shitty existence can be called life!" Johnny said, that conviction look on his face.  
"He'd have more of a chance to escape," Gaz put in.  
"True," Johnny said in agreement.  
"But if I kill him now he can't escape," Zim said.  
"Yes, but it would be awfully boring," Johnny said shrugging.  
"But if he escapes he can continue to foil my plans."  
"It would be funny to see him beg," Johnny said suggestively.  
"Well, of course it would be. But if he got away…" Gaz trailed off.  
"So I should just kill him now," Zim concluded.  
"No, that's not what I was saying. What I meant was that you could cut off both of his legs," she said.  
"Why can't I just keep my legs?" Dib murmured.  
"Because I want you to be legless chicken boy! Legless!" Johnny said, holding his knife out at Dib.  
"He's mine to kill!" Zim said, turning two of his legs on Johnny.  
"But I'm so much better at it!"  
"I think I should get to! He's my brother," Gaz said, putting her GameSlave4 aside.  
"He is mine, earth monkey! I trapped him!" Zim yelled.  
"He ate all my pizza," Gaz said.  
"He destroyed my lab," Zim said, glaring at her.  
"For the last time, I did not destroy your computer-thingy!" Dib said with a groan. The three bickering people turned to face him. "Well I didn't. Maybe someone else knows you are an alien."  
"No, you're the only person who's been harassing me lately," Zim said.  
"But I couldn't have done it! I was at Bloaty's with Gaz and my dad!" Zim turned to Gaz.  
"See? I told you! And now the entire skool has seen you as your alien self!" Dib said with immense satisfaction.  
"I say we kill him anyway. Why waste perfectly good tension?" Johnny said, downing the last of his brainfreezy.  
"Wait a minute! Can't you at least _see_ he's an alien?" Dib shrieked at Johnny, pointing to Zim. Nny shrugged.  
"I've got Styrofoam puppets that tell me to kill myself," he said, tossing the empty cup aside. Dib paled.  
"Zim, if Dib didn't destroy your lab, shouldn't you be trying to figure out who did?" Gaz asked. Zim cocked an eye at her.  
"What do you mean?"  
"If they did it once and didn't get caught, what's to keep them from doing it again?" Zim nodded slowly.  
"I see your point, worm baby. I will dispose of that villain after I kill the Dib human."  
"But Dib could help you find him," Gaz said, clenching her fist as if the idea had just hit her. "Think about it. Everyone knows that Dib thinks you're an alien. If the bad guy is going to drop anything, it's going to be in front of Dib!"  
"Yes, yes. But then he-" Johnny said, pointing at Dib, "- could still double cross the green guy here."  
"But I wouldn't!" Dib screamed.   
Zim squinted at Dib.  
"Yes you would."  
"Well, I would. But not until _after_ the bad guy was caught! I'll be the one to turn you in, Zim! I will! No one else!" Dib said hysterically, waving his arms around.  
"Dear god, can we just kill him already? The noise is hurting my ears," Johnny said, pitifully holding his head (through the headphones too!).  
"No no, this plan may work. All right, Dib-human. You will find this, this bad guy thing, and give him to me by the end of the month. Then I will kill you," Zim said, retracting his spider legs. Dib jumped up, triumphantly pointing at Zim.  
"Ha! Now the whole skool knows you're an alien!" he said. "They ran when they saw you!"  
"No. They ran because the ice cream man is over there," Gaz said, pointing behind Dib. All of the students and teachers were rocking the ice cream truck back and forth while chanting.  
"No!!"   
"Ooo! An ice cream man!" And Johnny shot off after the evil frozen food selling man with his knife out.  
  
______ Have no fear Dib-people! Johnny won't be returning (I think I butchered his entrance enough). I promise, no more crossovers (heh, just had to try me luck with one…). Anyway, eventually, the bad guy thingy will be revealed, and we can all sing Shirley Temple songs while tap dancing to techno! And even if the bad guy isn't, we can still tap and sing and be happy little creatures of doom and stuff.  
  
***


	2. Unholy Alliances (or, Keef)

  


One Month Contract Chapter 2: Unholy Alliances (or, Keef)  
  


A/N: I forgot to mention that this is set when Dib is in eigth grade, and Gaz seventh, all right? And, as I promised, no crossovers.  
  


Dib glared up and down the hallways, trying to find the jerk who'd ruined Zim's lab. _That was my master plan! Mine! Just mine! And they stole it! _Dib turned the corridor to his locker, dodging jocks and cheerleaders. When he finally arrived at his so-called locker, he found his sister leaning against it.  
  
"You have thirty days, Dib. Thirty days," she said prophetically before walking off with her GameSlave4.  
  
"Thanks for the update!" he shouted after her. Violently, Dib spun his lock around a few times, waiting for the thing to pop open. And it would, eventually. The skool issued the locks; if you poked one with a toothpick enough it would crumble. The lock fell off its little hook thing, and the locker sprang open.  
  
Mysterious Mysteries newspaper adds were in manila folders which littered the bottom half of his locker. Articles and headlines ranging from 'The chicken probed my left eyelid!' to 'Big foot spoke to me in an alcohol induced dream,' were glued to the inside of the locker door. Polaroids of the back of Zim's head were also taped to the door, a testimony of Dib's obsession. _And now someone else is after Zim! But who could it be? Who else knows Zim's an alien? _Dib thought, pulling out his algebra book and shutting his locker with a click. He turned and trudged down the hallway, his boots clicking on the floor.   
  
Dib ignored the usual brigade of looks, comments, and so-called alien sightings. After all, it wasn't their faults that they were completely ignorant of the fact that Zim was an alien. _No, I'll make sure they're all working at MacMeaties when they appoint me leader of the world! _Dib smiled to himself, before returning to his mind searching.   
  
_All right, Gaz, me, that weirdo and Keef know that Zim is an alien. Okay, that weirdo is possibly crazy, so he's out. Keef thinks that Zim is a squirrel, so he is out too. I couldn't have done it because I was with Gaz, so that rules both of us out. And that leaves… no one! Ugh! Maybe that stupid robot dog of Zim's did it. No… I think Zim would've realized that..._ With a growl, Dib stormed into his math class and slammed his book down. Gaz looked up at him, raising an eyebrow. Dib felt himself go pink with embarrassment. He'd been forced to repeat Algebra after he missed the If You Do Not Pass This Test Than You Fail Pre-Algebra No Matter What test while protecting earth. It was just rotten luck that his Zim detector went off when his father checked home right before the test. It was a source of silent amusement for Gaz, though she never went out of her way to vocalize anything. Who needs words when you can flash around and look creepy without a second thought?  
  
Dib collapsed in his chair and began racking his brain about people he knew. _Apart from those not guilty and have alibis, _he chided himself. _So, the only person who has been acting differently is Old Looking Kid, and that's because they changed his inhaler prescription. Actually, Keef has been acting… differently lately, _Dib thought as the orange haired child in question skipped in. Keef, who could always be found with a dead squirrel that had a string around its neck like a leash, hadn't seemed to notice that the squirrel wasn't Zim. But for the past three days, Dib hadn't seen Keef with his squirrel. As a matter of fact, his left ear had fallen off in the middle of biology the other day.  
  
_It must be Keef! _Dib thought triumphantly. _He's losing appendages and ditched the squirrel! He must be looking for revenge! _Dib causally made his way over to Keef's desk.  
  
"So Keef," he said, leaning across the desk, "how have you been?" Keef looked up, smiling insanely at Dib.  
  
"Hiya buddy! I've been great!" he said, pulling Dib into a hug. Dib, who was pulled at an odd angle across the desk, pin wheeled his arms and grunted.  
  
"Lemme go, Keef!" But Keef was too busy squeezing him. Dib helplessly looked for his sister. "Gaz! Please help me!" Gaz glanced over her GameSlave4, cocked an eyebrow, and returned to her game.  
  
***  
  


Zim crumbled his milk carton in his hand. _Stupid bubble humany thingies! Break my lab why don't you!_ he thought darkly. The entire situation was despicable. He, Zim, an Irken invader, was forced to rely on a human to help him discover his new enemy. Not only that, he had to control the human through his younger sister. His younger sister who was quite-not nice- too boot.  
  
"All right, Zim. What's the next part of your brilliant plan?" He glared up at Gaz, who was still playing her game.  
  
"You gave him my message then?" She growled.  
  
"Of course I did! Now where are these, 'long-lasting batteries,' you speak of?" Gaz asked, putting her game on pause.  
  
"I've got them here," Zim said, pulling the two seemingly normal batteries out of his pocket.  
  
"Good," she said, snatching them from the alien's hand and popping them into her game consol. "Now what do I have to do next and what am I getting?" Zim smirked. _This girl is easily manipulated! Why didn't I use her from the start? _he thought to himself.  
  
"Now you will shadow him," he said. Gaz clucked her tongue and shook her head.  
  
"No way. I'm not sitting through crop circle seminars and Mysterious Mysteries re-runs for the rest of the month!" she said, smooshing her fingers.  
  
"Yes, I know it is painful. But you must deal with the pain for the greater good of your people," he said, shaking his head with a self satisfied smirk. Gaz yanked him across the table by his striped shirt.  
  
"I don't think you understand me. You will give me something worthy of this… this stupid plan you've got or I won't do it, got it?" Zim blankly nodded. Gaz released him and he fell back into his chair. "So what do I get?"  
  
"Um… what, exactly, do you want?" he asked, rubbing his fingers together. "I can give you all the spleens you hunger for."  
  
"Something a little less… squishy. I want a challenge. A good gamer. And I mean a good one," she said, actually opening her eyes. Zim shuddered, scooting over. _Creepy human stink beast! Probably crawling with… eurgh, germs!_  
  
"I can do this for you EVIL FEMALE MONKEY GIRL if you comply with my demands." Gaz raised an eyebrow over her re-squinted eyes.  
"Who did you have in mind?" she asked, slightly skeptical. "No offense, but you're not much of a challenge," she said. Zim seethed.  
  
"What is that supposed to me, earth beast? I've been flying ships and destroying worlds since your race was a smidge on the smelly meter!" he protested.  
  
"Destroying your _own_ world at least," she said with a smug look. Zim glared at her.  
  
"Fine. You can play Gir. After you have shadowed Dib."  
"How long am I shadowing Dib and who is Gir?" she asked, resuming her game.  
  
"For a week. Gir is my HIGHLY ADVANCED robot companion," Zim said, his right lavender contact popping out. With an eep, Zim ducked under the table, looking for it.   
  
"Where did you go, annoying eye thingy?" Zim cursed, running his hands along the ground. He heard Gaz walk off with a chuckle, but his contact was no where to be found. Zim sunk into a state of panic. _All of these worm babies have the same color eyes! I must act calm and improvise!_ Zim decided.  
  
***  
  


___What will Zim do without his right contact? Will he run screaming for the hills? Is Keef really the mastermind behind Zim's ruined lab? And why is Gaz allowing herself to be bribed? I don't know. Please be nice and review, I'm new to this area of fiction-y gooodness!


	3. Open Eye (or, Gaz, the Stalker)

One Month Contract 

One Month Contract Chapter 3: Open Eye (or, Gaz, the Stalker)

Dib sighed as he fell into his seat. It was homeroom, the only class he had with Zim. The only class Mrs. Bitters had followed him to, at least.   
  
He had spent all of math with Keef, and had nearly lost his glasses in the depths of Keef's weirdness. The orange haired boy had stolen them eight times and had run in circles yelling 'Here, Dibby!' The only reason Dib got them back was thanks to quick thinking. _And my all purpose tazer,_ he thought. An exceedingly loud and buzzy bell thing rang, causing half the class to jump.  
  
"Sweet angry jesus!" Dib cursed as he righted himself. "Don't they realize how loud that thing is?"   
  
"Be quiet, Dib! I can still hear your doomed voice!" Mrs. Bitters hissed. "Class, bring out your moose drawings. We will be grading them by the doomed colors."  
  
"I'm sorry I'm late to your HIGHLY INFORMATIVE class," Zim said, one eye squeezed shut. He quickly shuffled to his seat, lowering his head and folding his hands. "Please forgive me."  
  
"Hey Zim, what's wrong with your eye? Did you alien covering contact fall out?" Dib taunted, vainly trying to ignore Old looking kid.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about Dib. I simply have something in my perfectly normal eye," Zim said, smirking at Dib.   
  
"Oh yeah? Why don't you just run some water on it? Huh huh?"   
  
"That, uh, didn't work," Zim said, his eyes darting around.  
  
"I knew it! Why don't you just reveal yourself now, Zim," Dib said, jumping onto his desk.  
  
"Dib, get off that desk! Zim shut up and open your eye. Both of you, leave the rest of the class to show their doomed moose pictures," Mrs. Bitters said, throwing an eraser at Dib's head.   
"But he's an alien!" Dib yelled, as the eraser hit him square in the forehead. With a enthusiastic 'oof,' he tumbled off his desk.  
  
"I can't open my eye!" Zim screeched, holding his claw like fingers out.  
  
"Then go to the nurse, Zim," Mrs. Bitters said, waving a hand at him.  
  
"But I… uh… can't," he said, his left eye twitching.  
  
"Because you don't have human organs!" Dib hollered, peeking over the edge of his desk.  
  
"Yes! I mean no! No, no, no! I can't, uh, miss this important earth monkey lesson," Zim said, scratching his hairline.   
  
"You lie, alien invader! He's lying to you, Mrs. Bitters! We must report him now! Quick, call the Swollen Eyeball committee!" Dib said, pointing menacingly at Zim.  
  
"Swollen Eyeballs? You're such a geek, Dib!" Evil blonde girl said with disdain. The rest of the class glanced to each other, before glaring at Dib.  
  
"Yeah you are lame!" One of them said.  
  
"Your own kind deny you, pathetic earth monkey of doom!" Zim cackled, laughing maniacally. He laughed loudly to the ceiling, raising his fists to the air. He slowly opened his left eye, glancing around, seeing all the children staring at him. His laughing quickly tapered off. With a slight cough, he bent his head and stared at the board.  
  
***  
  
Gaz glowered at Dib's back. He was unaware of her, that much she was sure of. _Dib's got the senses of a cockroach, _she thought darkly. _I've run into three trashcans, twelve dogs, and six mailboxes and he still hasn't noticed me! _ With a scowl, Gaz moved the branches of the bush she was hiding in.  
  
There was a large group of people, mostly high skoolers. Most of them wore trench coats like her brother, some wore coats instead and wide brimmed hats. Each had some bit of paranormal paraphernalia, ranging from what looked like mutated rat skulls to footstep molds. Gaz shuddered. Some things weren't meant to be observed.   
  
A beefy boy stood up, ringing a little bell. The groups of people, Dib included, picked nice places in the field to sit.   
  
"I'd like to welcome you all to the first Open Eye meeting. Most of us are from Hy Skool, though there are a few of you Midl Skoolers here. Welcome. The reason why you are here is because of your paranormal interest. That is also why we asked you to bring proof of your latest project. Three of you have reported to UFO pictures, seven abductions, fifteen vampire gerbil bites, five big foot sightings and molds and two aliens," Beef Boy said.  
  
Gaz leaned forward. _Someone else has an alien they're stalking? Maybe it's Zim's attacker! _she thought. Dib shifted his weight, glancing back and forth. Cautiously, Gaz leaned back in her bush. _No reason to call unwanted attention to myself,_she thought logically.  
  
A thin girl with messy pigtails and headgear stood, showing her proof of big foot. Gaz felt her fingers itching for her GameSlave4. She never gone so long without it; not even for pizza. _Must… resist… graphicy… goodness… _ Her hands unwillingly began to drift to her pocket. _ No! I… can't… ultimate challenge… _  
  
"I've got an alien to track." Gaz's head shot up, ruffling the branches above her head. She stopped breathing, fearing that someone would have heard her. No one glanced towards her. With a sigh, she looked through the branches again.  
  
The guy was tall, with a brown jacket and a wide brimmed hat. He had furry brows and stark blonde hair poking out from under his hat. In his hand was a picture of a space craft, though it looked more like a pink and gray bubble. She saw Dib's glasses fall off his head, but he didn't seem to notice. He was staring in disbelief at the boy.  
  
"A kid e-mailed this picture to me a few days ago, and since then I've been trying to find out who the alien is," he said. Gaz let out a sigh. So he's not the one either. Dib was shuffling his feet around on the ground, trying very hard not to look disappointed.  
  


"Very interesting! Ah, Dib, is this anything your alien would have?" Beefy Boy asked. Dib shook his head quickly.  
  
"No, no. My alien is rather… advanced. The only pictures I've got of him were taken after many hours of intense watching," Dib said. Gaz snorted to herself. _He's in the same class with the alien!_  
  
"Will you share them?" Beefy Boy asked again, a vein in his forehead popping out.  
  
"Sure," Dib said. Gaz felt her eyes widen. _What is he doing?! He can't just start flashing pictures of Zim! What if that kid realizes that they're after the same alien? _Dib stood up, unaware of his sister's inner conflict. He walked to the front of the semi-circle, giving the other alien boy a pointed look. He pulled a manila folder out of his trench coat.  
  
"Here is my alien!" Dib said, pulling the picture out of the folder with a flourish. He held it up so everyone could see.  
  
It was an obscure picture of Zim's right hand. The picture must've been taken from a camera positioned on the ledge of a desk, or something similarly Dib-like. Gaz blanched, before scowling at her brother. _I can't believe he got me all worked up for no reason like that, _she thought darkly. The picture was obviously taken in the dark, the only part of Zim's hand that was visible was the space presumably between his thumb and forefinger. And that was only the outline provided by the flash. The Open Eye club all 'oooed' and 'ahhhed' at the picture. Gaz rolled her eyes, pulling her GameSlave4 out. _No point waiting anymore. They're all weirdoes._  
  
***

___It has come to my attention that people are actually _enjoying_ this story of mine. I must ask, do you follow the spork so closely? Anyway, I told a person that this would be up by Friday, and it is. So ha! Next up: will Dib ever find out who sent Hat Boy the picture? I don't know.  
  
**Thanks section**(I think this deserves a !) !  
  
**The Slayer**- Thank you for reviewing TWICE (she can set an example for all you who don't even _flame_ me), and here is your more. Don't worry, I won't torment Dibby much more. I think. There might be a moose in the future...  
  
**Devoted Dib Fan**- I'm glad you liked the crossover! I was doubting my sanity for including that! I hope you read again!  
  
**MiracleChick**- Thanks for clicking the linky thing! My summaries suck, I know ;_;  
  
**ChocoRacer**- I love JTHM/IZ crossovers! I love Jhonen crossovers period. They're quite lovely, no?  
  
**Katterree**- How are the finals treating you? Is the skool still standing? There was a kid in my seventh grade class who had one brown eye and one blue. It took me two years to actually realize it though...  
  


  
  



	4. Roses are red... (or, Pudding)

  
  
One Month Contract  
Chapter 4: Roses are red... (or, Pudding)  
  


  
  


"… so that's all that happened?" Zim asked, nervously glancing about. It raining outside the Midl Skool, and Zim wasn't entirely at ease with the roofs.  
  
"Yes. Well, there was a huge battle about who got to track the vampire gerbil first, but I find that rather irrelevant," Gaz said, tinkering with her GameSlave4. "So where is my challenger?"  
  
"Not here. Tomorrow. Stop by and I'll introduce you to Gir," Zim said, glaring at Evil Blonde Girl. She sneered at him, before sweeping down the hall with her cache of followers. Gaz's eyes briefly flickered after her.  
  
"What's going on there?" she asked, twisting the game consol around in her hands.  
  
"She has been giving me… _notes_ all week long," Zim said with disgust. Gaz raised an eyebrow, but didn't glance up from her game.  
  
"Notes, you say?"  
  
"Yes," Zim said with a grimace. "These…disgusting notes."  
  
"What're they about?" Gaz asked, again not looking up. Zim growled.  
  
"Red flowers, blue flowers, something called sugar," he spat, before walking past Gaz and down the hall to his classroom. Gaz almost dropped her game out of surprise. She looked after Zim, a smirk on her face.  
  
"Imagine that. The alien's got an admirer!" she said, before returning to her game and walking down the opposite hallway.  
  
***  
  
"But the gerbil is mine today!" Dib slammed his head against his locker. "Can't you just _tell_ him that it's mine, Dib?" Dib rolled on his forehead, glaring at the zit faced blonde boy addressing him.  
  
"Fine." He rolled his head the other way. "It's his day." The toothpick red haired boy squawked in protest.  
  
"The leader said it was my day!" Dib raised an eyebrow.  
  
"Beef boy?" The other two gasped and Dib pushed himself off his locker.  
  
"You dare- Beef…-this- this treason will not go unpunished!" the blonde boy said. Looking to the red head, they nodded at each other and marched down the hall, disappearing into an unmarked classroom. Dib shook his head and pulled open his abused locker.  
  
"If only Zim hadn't put a contract on me! I'd be able to find out how Beef Boy is controlling the other members of the Open Eye! I bet it has something to do with the vampire gerbil," Dib muttered, vengefully pulling out his moose pamphlet.   
  
"Hello, _Dib_. Has a pathetic dirt child admitted the crime yet?" Zim sneered. Dib spun around, glaring at his arch rival.  
  
"Why do you want to know?" he asked suspiciously.  
  
"Uh… Dib it's kind of my lab," Zim said, scratching his head.  
  
"Oh."  
  
"I hate you." Zim stated. Dib rolled his eyes.  
  
"Well spotted. Is there some particular reason you're bugging me?" Dib asked, walking past Zim towards homeroom.  
  
"Actually yes," Zim said, quickly following after Dib and falling instep besides him.  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Unfortunately, I need your help," Zim said sourly, glaring at the passing doors. Dib turned his face to look at Zim.  
  
"_You_ need _my_ help? What makes you think I'll help you?" Zim growled, quickly spinning and slamming Dib against a locker, knocking the child who was reaching for a book inside.  
  
The child, whose locker had locked him inside, whimpered pitifully.  
  
"Could you please let me out? I fear the dark!"  
  
"Fear it more!" Zim spat.  
  
"O-okay."  
  
Dib narrowed his eyes at Zim, slapping the alien's gloved hand off his shoulder.  
  
"I have no reason to help you," Dib sneered. Zim smirked, leaning against the locker to Dib's right. Dib pushed himself off his locker, walking down the hallway again.  
  
"So your sister means nothing to you?" Zim said casually, flipping through his moose book. Dib stopped mid-step.  
  
"What about my sister?" he asked, his voice reedy.  
  
"She is in my control."  
  
"Yeah, sure. Gaz would let herself be controlled by _you_," Dib said with a bark of laughter. Still laughing he walked further down the hall. Zim pushed himself of his locker, letting the moose book fall to the ground.  
  
"Not willingly, of course," Zim said. Dib stopped again, and turned.  
  
_"What did you do to my sister?"_  
  
"Nothing she didn't want," he replied, a malicious smirk flitting across his green face. Dib clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut.  
  
"I- can't- believe- you!" he roared. Without much warning (besides his yell, of course), Dib launched himself down the hallway, colliding with Zim and sending the two into a roll.  
  
"Ahhh! The human is attacking me!" Zim screeched. Torque, who had been passing down the hallway with his trusty barbell, effortlessly plucked Zim off the ground and out of Dib's reach. Dib came out of his roll, crouched and growling.  
  
"Dude, have you got like, rabbits or something?" Torque said, eyeing Dib. He dropped Zim to the ground. Zim quickly leapt up, brushing non existent dust off his pink shirt and straitening his severely plucked and grabbed at toupee.   
  
"Thank you for your services, dirt child," Zim said. Dib growled louder. Torque shrugged his shoulders, before walking past Zim and leaving the two enemies alone in the hallway.  
  
_"Zim,"_ Dib hissed, slowly pulling himself up. Zim 'eeped,' and began running down the hallway.  
  
"Stop your madness, human!" he shrieked. Dib sneered, darting after the frightened alien. Reaching out a gnarled hand, Dib hauled Zim backwards by the back of his shirt and flung him against a locker. Using Zim's surprise, Dib pinned him against the locker with both arms. He brought his head in close to the alien.  
  
_"You will not touch my sister, do you understand me?"_ Zim nodded quickly. _"You will not make slanderous remarks about my sister, will you?"_ Again, Zim nodded. _"You will eat a tub full of pudding at lunch while singing 'It's a small world.'"_ Zim caught himself mid-nod.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
_"In rounds!"_ Dib spat. Zim laughed, swiping both of Dib's arms off.  
  
"You misunderstand me, human. My remark about your sister was about a agreement we came to. I have no desire to touch you filthy stink beast sister." He bent and grabbed his moose pamphlet. "Now if you will excuse me," he said, shoving past Dib, "I have a class to get to."   
  
Dib's eyes followed Zim down the hallway, where he disappeared into the blackness.  
  
"It's a small world?" he asked the air, shaking himself out of his rage. Holding his head, Dib picked his moose book off the ground, and followed Zim to Mrs. Bitters classroom.  
  
"Um… could you let me out now?" a locker asked. "There's a rather large spider in here… Hello?"  
  
***  
  


**Review Section (with the !) !  
  
GS2aholic** -I'm glad you are not confused. The confusion will come later in mulititudes when the moose arrives!  
  
**Diartemis** - ^_^ Some liked the Gaz thing and the Nny thing!  
  
**The Slayer** -Your welcome for the thank-you thank-you. Dib is rapidally becoming one of my favorites as well.  
  
**MiracleChick** - At least the humor is coming through... Thanks for reviewing!  
  
**Penquin-Major Nora, Lady of the Laser Weasels** -The mutated laser weasels... spork... and yes, Zim is a scottie dog in disguise but shh, we can't let all the _other_ people know!  
  


Expect more arachniphobia from me later!  
  



	5. Gerbil Powers (or, the Ending of Champio...

  
  
  


One Month Contract

  
  


Chapter 5: Gerbil Powers (or, the Ending of Champions)  
  
  


"Computer! How are the repairs coming?" Zim said for the fifth time that night.   
  
"Repairs are minimal. Cleaning is still in process," the computer replied.   
  
"Cleaning?!" he exclaimed. In anger, Zim kicked the coffee table leg.  
  
It snapped in half.  
  
Seven robot units came filing out of the wall, all with different limbs, lasers and other assorted goodies. The laser robot bumped into the robot with the dust pan. Dustpan Robot slapped Laser Robot with his dustpan, and Tiny Broom Robot bopped Laser Robot in the head. Laser Robot fired his laser beam at Dustpan Robot, who promptly exploded. Gir rolled into the room as Laser Robot turned his laser beam on Tiny Broom Robot. Tiny Broom Robot blew up, little brush hairs falling to the ground.  
  
"Noooooooooo!" Gir shrieked, slamming his robot arms on the ground. "Not Tiny Broom Robot!"  
  
Zim raised a non-existent eyebrow.  
  
  
***  
  
  


"…And then he dares to say that you're helping him! Can you believe it? Are you? No, Gaz! I can't believe you'd actually help that alien scum! He's trying to take over our planet? Did he threaten you? Yes, yes he must have! Why I'll go rip his beady eyes out!" Dib screeched, making for the door. Gaz sighed, reaching and pulling her brother back down to the couch.  
  
"Sit down, Dib. Zim and I have a deal. I help him keep _you_ in line, which keeps you alive might I add, and he gives me stuff," she said, clicking her GameSlave2.  
  
"So you _are_ helping him! Traitor!" Dib screamed, jumping to his feet and shaking his sister by her shoulders. Gaz growled, swatting at Dib's hands.  
  
"You're bugging me Dib. Leave me alone. I mean it. Stop it. If you want to make it to Hy Skoo. I mean it. STOP IT!" Gaz yelled, throwing her GameSlave2 aside and punching her brother across the face. Dib stumbled backwards, tripping over the coffee table and coming to a dizzying stop.   
  
"That hurt," he murmured. Gaz crossed her arms and sat back down.   
  
"I warned you."  
  
"You never said you were going to hit me," Dib whined, sitting up.  
  
"It was implied," she said in a clipped tone.  
  
Dib glared at his sister through his cracked glasses.  
  
"The aliens done something to you, hasn't he?" Gaz threw her hands up into the air.  
  
"Zim has done nothing to me! Geez, he's your little friend, not mine."  
  
"Friend? _Friend?!_ That creature is so not my friend!" Dib exclaimed. "He's an alien! Trying to take over the planet! He stole my lungs, turned me into bologna, destroyed my life with rubber pigs, been in my body…! He's a parasite I tell you! A parasite!"  
  
"Sounds like your kind of friend," Gaz said with a smirk.  
  
"I can't believe it! He has done something to you!" Gaz sighed, exasperated.   
  
"Dib, go harass those Open Eye people. They can actually tolerate you." Dib shook his head.  
  
"No, they're trying to kill me."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"What'd you do?"  
  
"Called their leader Beef Boy."  
  
"Oh?"  
  
"Yeah, it's some sort of gerbil induced hero-worship."  
  
"Ah."  
  
The two sat in silence for a moment.  
  
"… I still think the alien did something to you." Gaz threw a pillow at his head.  
  
  
***  
  
  


Dib held his head up high as he marched through the Midl Skool halls. Strapped to his ears were his X-Ray goggle things and hidden in his math book was a tiny camera.   
  
The Open Eye club members, the ten that hadn't abandoned Beef Boy after the first meeting, came out of the unmarked room. The formed a blockade, with Beef Boy in the middle.  
  
"Well, well, well. If it isn't out little traitor, Dib," the leader sneered.  
  
"If you would kindly move, I'm tracking aliens," Dib said, shoving past Beef Boy.  
  
"Zim? You're alien is _Zim?_" Beef Boy said with a bark of laughter. Dib stopped, and with clenched fists, he stared blankly ahead.  
  
"Everyone knows that Zim isn't an alien," the leader said. His followers formed a circle around the two, and blank-faced and staring ahead.  
  
"Oh really now?"  
  
"Yes. Zim isn't the alien because you are," Beef Boy said cunningly. Dib face-vaulted, turning to stare incredulously at Beef Boy.  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"Oh yes, you must be the alien! We found your lab, Dib. We found it and destroyed it!" Beef Boy said triumphantly.   
  
"My lab is fine," Dib said, cocking his head to the side.  
  
"Denial can't save you now! Your lab in your weird glowing, green house has been destroyed!" Beef Boy said, laughing maniacally.  
  
"My house doesn't glow." Beef Boy stopped mid-laugh.  
  
"Yes it does."  
  
"No it doesn't."  
  
"It has to!"   
  
"It doesn't."  
  
"Are you sure?" Dib sighed.  
  
"Yes, I am sure. My house does not glow." Beef Boy scratched his head.   
  
"I wonder whose house we destroyed," he muttered. He shook his head, and pointed menacingly at Dib.  
  
"It doesn't matter! You're an alien! The gerbil powers didn't work on you!"   
  
"What Gerbil powers?" Dib asked.   
  
_"My Gerbil powers!"_ Beef Boy shrieked. Dib clicked the button thingy to his X-Ray goggle things. The flipped over his head. His jaw dropped. Instead of human organs, Beef Boy was a hideous, half gerbil half human.  
  
"Now _there's_ something you don't see everyday," he said to himself.  
  
_"Bow to me, alien fodder! I am the Gerbil!"_ Beef Boy said. He flung his arms wide, and a tattered cape made of gerbil wood chips appeared on his neck. He clenched his fists and his ears disappeared and his teeth became bucked.  
  
Dib's goggles flipped back and his mouth was still left open.  
  
"Gerbil…" he whispered, a string of drool appearing at his mouth. He shook his head, before turning and running out of the circle area and down the hallway.  
  
_"Capture him, my minions!"_ Beef Boy screeched. The children ran after Dib, chanting and screaming. Dib turned back for a second, to watch them run with torches in their hands.  
  
"Where did they get torches?" he mused, before turning around and running as fast as he could. "Mrs. Bitters! If she can't stop them, no one can!"  
  
And with human speed, Dib dodged stupid kids and open lockers on his quest for Mrs. Bitters class.  
  
  
***  
  
  


"Zim, I demand to play this _Gir_ creature now!" Gaz hissed, ominously leaning over the alien. Zim's eyes shot up and down the corridor.  
  
"Uh-well, you see- um-"  
  
"I see _what_, Zim? Besides a twitchy alien, of course." Zim let his head drop.  
  
He muttered something unintelligible.  
  
"Excuse me?" He sighed.  
  
"You cannot play the Gir creature. He would DEFEAT YOUR HUMAN skills," Zim said.   
  
_"What?"_ Gaz shrieked. Zim nodded blankly, before running down the hall.  
  
Ignoring the enraged Gaz, Zim ran down the hallway, turning sharply and disappearing down the 'Bitters' tube. Huffing, Zim pumped his arms to run faster, though it really did nothing but made him sound like an idiot.  
  
He burst out of the long walkways, and alongside him came Dib. They quickly glanced at each other, and put on new bursts of energy to run faster than the other. The Dib mob joined Gaz, the shrieking louder and closer.  
  
"I- can- run- faster- Z-im," Dib breathed.  
  
"Try- me- human," Zim spat, before continuing his pace. Mrs. Bitters loomed out of the darkness in the doorway of her classroom.  
  
"It's Mrs.- Mrs.- Mrs.-"   
  
"Bitters!" Zim cried, running behind the teacher and ducking behind her desk. Dib did likewise, huddling next to his mortal enemy.  
  
"Don't get any ideas, alien, but your head is bigger than mine," Dib said, crouching and using Zim as a shield.  
  
"What has my head size got to do with anything, human slave?" Zim demanded, twisting so he was behind Dib.  
  
"What is going on here?" Mrs. Bitters hissed at the mob of angry students.  
  
"The alien!" they chanted.  
  
"There are no aliens in my classroom."  
  
"Yes there is." Mrs. Bitters' eye twitched.  
  
"Are we being insubordinate?"  
  
"Sorry Ma'am," Beef Boy said, coming to the front of the mob, "-but the alien came into this room."  
  
"If I say there are no aliens in my classroom, then there are no aliens," Mrs. Bitters said. "Now you," she took Beef Boy by the ear, "-and your friends will clean the entire hallway, which your torches and irresponsible behavior damaged."  
  
"Yes Mrs. Bitters," he murmured, bowing his head.   
  
"Move!" she ordered. The mob quickly went to work, cleaning the walls and picking up papers. Gaz sent one final glare into the classroom, before she disappeared among the other students with her GameSlave2 in her hands. _Just you wait, Zim. I'll get you back. You will know what it feels like to lie to Gaz!_  
  
  
***  
  
  


"Zim?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"The Open Eye members destroyed your lab and they set me up."  
  
"Open Eye?"  
  
"Gaz told you about them, remember?"   
  
"Ah yes. They will pay horribly."  
  
"Can I make a small request?"  
  
Zim quirked a non-existent eyebrow.  
  
"Can you turn the leader into a broccoli and beef bowl?" Dib asked. Zim scratched his toupee.   
  
"Maybe later. I first plan to send them to the moose." They fell into a silence, each sitting on their own side under Mrs. Bitters desk.  
  
"Hey Zim?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"I'm going to kill you now, okay?" Zim scoffed.  
  
"You? Kill an Irken Invader? You forget the radioactive rubber trees."  
  
  
******  
  
  


;_; I'm going to miss all you wuvly people who were nice. It goes without saying that I'm gonna miss my Zimmy. I'm going to plug myself now: I have a website for Zim-ness! It aint all the way done, but I think it's complete enough to show. http://www.geocities.com/patheticearthmonkeyofdoom (I dunno how to make links at the moment… Next time!: …I guess there is no next time.  
  
**Thanks Section!  
  
Flipside (ChocoRacer)** -Changing your name on me?! Spiffarific... interesting... I'm sorry Gir and Gaz didn't face off... it just didn't happen ;_;  
  
**GissyCat** -O.o Right...  
  
**MiracleChick** -Eh, well, Zim need Dib's help 'cause his lab is like a squishy tin can at the moment... I'm glad you kept reading!  
  
And here is the sad, sad, end... please celebrate Arbor Day.  



End file.
